Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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