Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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