he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
where are my eyebrows?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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