remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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