I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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