Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
