Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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