so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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