so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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