We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
