You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
