I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize