When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
