Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
