Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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