Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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