apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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