I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
