I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
