and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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