I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
