Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
honey bunches of taint.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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