You made me cry and you don't even care
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
