I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
