I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
