Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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