i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
not ubering you a puppy
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
