hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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