I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
