Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
