i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
