oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
