she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
