I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
