Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
