exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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