Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
