I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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