I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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