god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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