She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
