Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
