he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
