I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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