I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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