my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
