I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
