Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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