I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
