There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize