Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
