OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
