I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
