Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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