Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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