I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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