Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
