Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
