If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Please don't give away my fajitas
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
