I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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