You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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