Your tits are I can't wait for
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
