AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
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