At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im about as happy as oj after his trial
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
