So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
