I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
