Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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