Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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