the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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