This is not my ceiling
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
