phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
