oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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