If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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