My nipple is on Facebook.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
